Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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