I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize