i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
