If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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