His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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