i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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