Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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