i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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