We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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