This is not my ceiling
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
