so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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