I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
