party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
