I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
