Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
