Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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