we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
