Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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