Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
