meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
