"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
