why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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