There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize