So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
