Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
