dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think my vagina is haunted
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
