that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
