If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
