love makes seman taste better
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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