my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize