I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize