reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
