You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
