Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
