Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
