just tell him i said nine months
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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