made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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