I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
