Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
