if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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