You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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