Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
