Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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