Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
