Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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