but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
