summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
