Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
