His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
