He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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