i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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