at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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