Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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