My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Shitshow foam night was such a success
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
