If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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