your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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