Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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