Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
