Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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