My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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