I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize