hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
