dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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