dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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