in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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