I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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