he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize