census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
