I'm jealous of your bromance
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
