I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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