he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
