I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
