I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
