Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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