I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
