3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
