im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
