okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
