I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
