i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
