PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
