So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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