I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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