Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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