and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
