Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
