I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
