Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
