The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
