Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
