just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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