Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
