Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
