omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
