he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
