Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My penis needs a shock collar
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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