i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
