whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I did not marry a roomba.
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