im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize