fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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