My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
