i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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