Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
