I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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